Mourning who I was

I still mourn the person who I was.

I still fear the person who I have become. I still struggle to allow myself to be who I truly am.

That others in my life may not catch up to where I am going.

That my journey is now veering onto roads unknown, unthought of before this time, not even imaginable until now.

I have released and let go of so much.

This feels like the last release left…for now as releasing is never truly over, it just deepens.

Truly knowing that nothing outside of me will provide me with what I am looking for as that is all within me. No relationship will ever give me the happiness, peace and feeling of love I am looking for until I have truly encompassed that within my whole being.

Until I have fully relinquished the thought, that when something changes I will be happy. Until I can find peace and happiness in my own moments, enjoyment in my own experiences, peace within myself, release of my own expectations.

Only then will I have found true love within myself.